Anxiety

Never posted anything in such a long time...

Anyway,

I think I'll try to be more perpetual on blogging. After all, I'm gonna use this blog someday when I finally arrived in Japan HAHA (confidence level over 1000000%)

......

God. That's what I'm really terrified of. So awful. Thinking about my biggest dream I really want to achieve.....desperately.

Just so you know, I've passed the National Exam (that inferno!) with the result--pretty satisfying to be proud of-- average score 88.5

Here's what my scores look like

......Happy? Yes of course! I was really afraid that I couldn't make it more than 80,0. But the fact is,  I got more that 85,0! Which is relieving because the minimum qualification score for Monbukagakusho scholarship for Bachelor (S1) degree is 84,0. While for Diploma (D2/D3) is 80,0. Yep. I'm gonna shoot for Diploma.

This is what I've been dreaming of for the past 5 years, since 8th grade! To pass this scholarship and fly to Japan.

This score is to gauge my potentiality, and shows that I'm eligible.
I'm confident to take this scholarship and work my hardest and best so I can receive the honor.
My score, however, is the likelihood of proofing that I can surpass the examinations.

But why do I feel so anxious right now?
Maybe because I have so many competitors struggling to reach the same goal.
Maybe the test is too difficult.
Maybe because I'm actually being an excessive confident brat.
Or maybe, I'm too afraid to accept that I could have failed.

It's a competition after all. I should never think that I'm superior among the candidates. I just have to give my best shot, and put my best efforts.

I don't want to be a coward person.

Enough rants.

lol

Padahal masih kelas X, tapi....

.... Gue udah ngayal pengen kuliah ke Jepang (´Д` )

Ngeliat pengalaman dari temen sendiri, nelusurin website kedubes Jepang sampe nyasar ke website2 universitas Jepang dengan bahasa alien yang saya kagak ngerti-- dan berujung nemu blog orang Indo yang tinggal di Jepang yang postingannya tentang pengalaman dia sekolah di sana.. Oh, well..

Kapan ya giliran gue, nulisin jurnal tentang keseharian gue, ngetweet dan ngepost photo yang bikin orang ngiler dan iri to the max (jahat, emang. Tapi sekarang kan posisi gue adalah orang yang ngiler mewek sesenggukan ngeliat poto2 orang Indo yang lagi di Jepang sono; sementara gue disini cengak-cengok ngescrolling buka websitenya Danny Choo. Oh saya ngenes sekali.)

Gue pengen ngepost di blog tentang asrama gue kelak, tentang berbolang ria selama di Jepang, mendokumentasikan para2 cowok2 Jepang ganteng (terus nanti gue ditendang sama orangnya kalo ketauan </3), sampe nelusur toko buku dan nemu bejibun benda-benda yaoi binal serta photobook oom2 Jepang ganteng HAHA.

Btw, hasil tadi pas ngesearch soal beasiswa dari beberapa website yang bikin kepala gue pusing, gue nemu beasiswa yang lumayan pas buat gue. Dan beberapa jenis beasiswa lainnya yang lumayan buat nambah knowledge lah.

Ada, Monbukagakusho (beasiswa yang keluar dari pemerintah Jepang) D2 yang tesnya cuma Bahasa Inggris sama Matematika doang (kalo yang lainnya ada IPA, IPS, blehblehbleh lah gue semasa bodo soalnya gue emang gak bisa pelajaran eksak begituan :/ ), yaa entah gue mesti seneng ato sedih soalnya yang namanya Matematika tetep aja gue ora mudeng... *nangis*
Lumayan juga karena rata2 nilai ijazahnya 8,0. Cukup lah kalo buat gue yang nilai mtkipashitdankawankawannya standar. :))
Masalahnya, syarat beasiswa itu tamatan SLTA, sedangkan pendidikan gue sekarang kan SMK. Gak tau deh bisa apa nggak, tapi gue berharap banget bisa sih. Makanya gue pengen main ke kedubes Jepang buat nanya2. Ya, insyaallah ntar deh kalo ada waktu.

Ah tapi yang namanya beasiswa itu butuh perjuangan, ya. Kalo nggak ya namanya bukan beasiswa. :(

Walaupun gue udah ada project nabung tapi tetep aja dengan adanya beasiswa itu sangat membantu sekaliii.. (´・ω・｀)

Ah, ngomong2 saya majang ginian di kamar... Kenapa 4-5 tahun lagi? Karena tamat SMK saya kan mesti PKL dulu, belum lagi kerja buat nabung biar uangnya bisa dipake kalo kesono :3

Yah, itung2 jadi motivasi, liat ginian tiap buka pintu kamar jadi semangat. Yosh ganbatte, che! ヽ(｀Д´)9